Ever since the beginning of my group of male friends, sex toys masturbation served as an extended topic for discussion. It was a practice that we all engaged in, but we never discussed it with our parents. Whenever the conversation would come up, we’d giggle and had our heads together, confiding stories about our own experiences. We would try to one up each other, almost competing to see who could come up with the craziest and most extreme thing they had tried.
As I got older, the topic of masturbation became even more of an open secret between us. We would brag about the apples we’d buried ourselves in, anatomy classes that left us in an awkward position, and other silly adventures. Though it still brought out a slight blush, we were able to share more and more stories without fear of judgement. We started using euphemisms to preserve the topic’s sanctity and even learned how to make jokes about it without offending anyone.
While most friends – especially boys – tend to talk about the same things – baseball, video games, dating, etc – my group of friends never hesitated in delving deeper into the waters of masturbation. We would talk about the methods, the techniques, the outcomes – comparing and contrasting with each other’s past experiences, looking for a new consensus.
At times, talking about masturbation could get a bit uncomfortable, but us being friends for so long usually led us to be honest with each other about our past experiences. We could joke. We could laugh. We could compare our numbers and techniques. We would exchange tips, encouragement and even critiques about our own performances.
When talking about masturbation with friends, it was the taboo that made it exciting. We knew that if either of our parents came into the room we’d never hear the end of it. But it was also the sense of camaraderie, relaxation, and non judgmental-ness that almost made it symbolic amongst us.
At moments, the conversations got heated, and we’d have to draw the line on what was acceptable. No matter where the conversation went, sex toys we tried to respect each other, ourselves, and our parents. But for the most part, it was enjoyable being able to get off our chests the things we’d thought or experienced about masturbation.
Now that most of us are in college, or close to launch careers of our own, the conversations around masturbation don’t come up quite so frequently. But when we all get together for group reunions, conversation will always take a pause to get back to the fun, guilt-free moments of chatting about masturbation. It used to be that talking about masturbation was odd, but it has become so normalized between us in our own way that it doesn’t feel strange anymore.
When talking about masturbation, it’s interesting to see how different people react to it, and if there are any generational differences. For example, the older generations tend to be less open about the activity than my generation is. Thinking back to the conversations between my male friends, I realize how special it was that we could all talk openly and honestly about it without any criticism or fear of judgment.